The worst day ever

Today is my birthday.

I bet you didn´t expect a headline like that, with a follow up line like that underneath it! 

Well, it truly was... 

Today was surposed to be my day... a day where I could feel a little bit pampered and dandy. Not having to do the dishes or make dinner, get greetings and presents, and simply have a nice time.

Sadly, I already knew when this week begun that my school day was going to be rather terrible. Therefore I took extra measure this morning, and made sure to look extra nice. Proper makeup, comfortable, yet nice clothes and even a little hairdo! Even though today

 was going to be a bit shitty, I could atleast look good.

Two tests in one day, AND a terribly gruesome movie

 that our teacher was going to make us watch!

I was lucky enough to get an alternative to watching the movie, because I just couldn´t take it. (If you are wondering what movie it was, it was "The Green Mile"... It is such a disturbing movie that it makes me teary eyed and nauseous just thinking about it... I have seen it once, and I will NEVER do that again... I promised myself that... it was far to gruesome and horrible

 for anyone to ever have to suffer through...)

One of the tests was an oral presentation also, so I was twice as nervous about that. 

Whenever I am going to have a presentation, I just start shaking 

and the first couple of sentences are always sounding like I´m about to cry...

I don´t know how much I remembered about the subject, it had to do with legal rights as an employee, because the only thing I remember is that I doubted my words for two seconds too long, and I felt like a total screw up when I had to peek at my notes... 

Luckily, I felt like the other test went rather good. It was about literature (fiction) and especially the genre short-stories. I had read through the chapter many times, but lately I have just felt like everything I read comes into my head and leaves just as quickly... 

I simply can´t concentrate for the life of me.

 

It took a while before people remembered it was my birthday, but they were all very good to me, and sang me a birthday song and hugged me. That part was really nice.

Then the last bomb dropped. I had finally finished everything that had been stressing me and ruining my mood all week, when my dad texted me and said he was with my mom at the hospital for a check-up. Ok, I thought to myself, since I know she has had a pain in her stomach for a while, and she also told me she was going for a check up today. So this news didn´t really startle me. I was a bit puzzled over the fact that my dad joined in though, 

but he told me everything was fine and I should just go home after school. 

So I did... we texted some more, and suddenly he told me my mom had to have a surgery... o_o

My phone died and I felt a bit nervous... I put it on charge as fast as I got home, but we didn´t have any more contact over the phone after that.

I had no idea what was going on until my father came home some time later, and then he told me everything. They had found a tumor, and decided to get rid of it right away. They know nothing about if it´s a bad or good tumor yet and they probably won´t know until it´s been a couple of days with some testing and such... 

I am so scared ;_; I love my mom so much... I just want everything to be ok with her. I can´t even concentrate on anything. This is just so terrible. The worst part is that I feel like this whole thing is just numb. Like, I don´t feel no extreme fear or that I worry a lot, 

I just feel sorry that I am not able to care more. 

I am also so very sad because this means I won´t be able to celebrate my birthday this year either ;_;

I didn´t last year, and I can´t now... and I know it`s really selfish, but it made me so sad... I just... 

My dad was really a downer when he first came home, I tried to start making the rest of the dinner my mom had prepared for them to make when we came home, and he even said

 he didn´t feel like eating at all. I just couldn´t take it...that made the cup float over it´s limits....

 I just started crying. 

He hugged me, and helped me make dinner, and even though we were both kind of silent and deeply sunken into our thoughts, we tried to do the best out of the situation. We toasted and finished the dinner. My dad took the rest of it in a doggy-bag to bring to my mom,

 since he said it would be a lot better than the food at the hospital. Then he went to visit her... 

I honestly did not want to go along with him yet. 

And now we are here. At the end of the day. My whole day has been a big bomb dropped after another and now I am just so sad that everything bad had to happen on my birthday.

I just thought I´d share that with you guys. I know this entry might not be interesting at all, but it is a part of my life, and if you read my blog, you must somehow have an interest in me also.

Thanks for reading