A new year, a fresh start?

 

Well, its time again to start a new year...

Last year, around this time, I was completely freaking out. I had a mayor depression around new-years, entering 2013, and I felt like time was running out. 

This year, I don´t exactly feel happy about the new year,
but I certainly don´t feel as panicked as I did back then!

Original as I am, I wanted to make a little post for you guys, but mostly for myself I think, with a small summary of the year that has gone by. It is easy to forget everything that happens throughout an entire year, especially the good parts, if you are predispositioned to be a bit....
ehm... negative, like I am :P hehe...

When I think back upon the year that has passed, I feel like I´ve accomplished nothing at all, but looking closer, I see that there are tons of things I´ve gone through and I´ve been on many an adventure in these past 365 days! 

Let´s get to it!: 

1. January:

I got a lot of sketchbooks for christmas the year before, so I sketched quite a lot during this first month of the year. Also I had a heavy depression on my shoulders....

2. February:

I started reading the infamous book "Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov (very interesting read, would reccomend it if you are thinking about reading it!), and I dressed up during the weekends. My parents went to Scotland to visit my sister for her birthday, and brought back gifts for me! My first ever Adventure Time comic books! :-D And by the end of the month, I was interviewed by my local newspaper to talk about my style/ lolita fashion.

3. March:

My birthday! I turned 19 at the very same day my mom was put in to hospital (since they discovered she had a cancer–tumor). Luckily they managed to remove it and after a heavy reasurence-cure she is as good as cancer free :-). Other than that loads of things happend in march. I got contacted about being in a documentary project involving a couple of handfulls of teenagers in the whole of Norway, talking about my life, interests and everything like that (the project itself didn´t start until later though). I also bought a huge graduation package from one of my top idol-groups "Pinku Project" (where I was so lucky as to win a special-price poster!) that decided to get seperated around that time because of the fact that they needed to focus on school ;3;

4. April: 

The month of April was a fairytale through and through! I went to Scotland to visit my sister, who studies there, during easter break, and at the same time I got to visit my dear friend Ruth (AKA Princess-Peachie). It was my first time meeting her, and my first time visiting another lolita, so it was rather special to me. I remember her room as a total dream *sighs* still wish I could live there (we were planning to lay down some of her jsk in her closet so I could sleep there, no one would know, hurhurhur OwO). 

We had all kinds of fun, going to a gigantic toy-store, having sushi and just watching silly cartoons and anime together. It was so much fun! ^^ I can´t wait to meet her again <3

5.May:

It was finally time to do something about that documentary project! For an entire, intense week, I was filmed several hours almost every day (which for an introvert like me is quite exhausting @_@) but we managed to pull through in the end. Imagine having someone follow you around school with a camera, even filming you getting on and off the bus?! :-P It was rather awkward....

Other than that, my dearest, best friend painted a lovely portrait of me, as a belated birthday present, and I cried ;_; <3 I got my first twin-tail wig and I wore quite a lot of lolita clothes in the weekends.

...Kinda also launched my first "teaser" on my new youtube channel....

6. June:

I coloured my hair bright, candy lilac as opposed to the blond hair I had been sporting until then. I published my first proper youtube movie to my new channel! It was about a Pinkly Ever After package I had gotten in the mail :-3. I got a handmade, one-of-a-kind dress that made me do a magical-girl transformation and turned me into Magical Princess Josephine.

I also got my very first sponsor agreement,
where I got a free pair of circle lenses that I did a review upon! ^^

7. July:

July was pretty much just work, work, WORK from day until night, so I neglected my blog quite a lot! I was so lucky as to get a summer-job at the local library again this year, so I saved up quite a lot of money! I also got the second Kyary Pamyu Pamyu CD/Photobook limited edition set during this period, which made me really happy ;v;. I discovered Bee & Puppycat as well, and became an instant fan! By the end of the month, I had planned to go to Sweden to visit my friend Emilia (AKA Pastelbat) to live with her for 12 days, including four days working with her in her co-owned maid-café on Närcon (a big anime convention in Sweden). It is an experience I will never forget, I truly had the time of my life and got to meet so many wonderful people! Everyone was so incredibly stylish and super sweet and wonderful ;v; I made so many friends!

8. August:

Nothing much happend in August. The first few days was still spent in Sweden. I wrote a lot about my trip, but after that I just worked a bit more at the library, and eventually started a new school year again. This time as a third-year, senior student!

9. September:

Ever since school started again, I was heading on a steady way downwards,
moodwise and health-wise...
...my depression got a lot worse....

I still wrote a lot about my trip to sweden during the weekends,
but hardly had the energy to dress up anymore, because of all the school work loaded on my shoulders...

10. October:

I was hospitalized for a little while, on a trial–thing, in relation to my ED. Also we had a self-portrait project at school, that I sort of missed out on. Had to do something quick, instead of my over-the-top sweet lolita plans, sadly.... 

I got my first rhapsody wig, in a pink colourway, from ebay,
and I ordered some cute new dresses that made me try out totally new styles!

 In the end I also had a mayor break-down and was made to stay home for several weeks due to my health condition.

11. November:

My breakdown lasted throughout most of november, but I somehow managed to pull together a Halloween-themed outfit in the middle of the month, even though it was to late for the actual celebration. I had mayor depression, and did not enjoy life much...

12. December:

Finally christmas-time! I am a child at heart, and christmas is my favourite time of the year. I feel like christmas is all around, through the entire month of December! I was still kind of down, and the work-load from school just grew, but somehow I was able to go through with it, attended and finished all my homework in time for christmas. During the holidays I helped with decorating and baking, and I just felt quite at ease during the first week.... until, a still lasting depression, hit quite hard right afterwards... Atleast I got to wear my very first classical lolita outfit, on christmas-eve, and also my first lolita outfit in general for several months!
I have not been dressing up due to my health-condition....

That is basically it for 2013! ^^

 I realize as I go through this list, that most the good and positive things happend during the first half of the year, while the other half just got increasingly worse as time went by :-S Right now I am not very good at all. I am depressed, and I haven´t bought any new clothing except for a few lolita things for several months, making everything in my closet really old and boring. And because my stupid phone is taking worse and worse pictures for some weird reason, I find myself also not too eager to update... A part of a good blog entry is the pictures, and whitout those its just not as nice,
in my opinion...

I guess this is a good time to start writing the ever feared 

-

New Years resolutions!:

- Buy a camera or a new mobilephone

- Buy a new computer

- Draw more

- Be happier

- Dress up more

- Wear makeup and do my hair properly more often

In regards to new years resolutions, I thought I go through the ones I made last year, 

to see how I made it with them! I did for a while, I think... mostly during the first half of the year

Last years new years resolutions:

- be happy 
was not able to do during a lot of the time

- do something for myself

I guess I sort of tried to do this a bit, atleast during the first half of the year!

 

- draw more

failed sadly >.>

 

- play more video games 

failed sadly <.<

 

- dress up a bit more

I did for a while, I think... mostly during the first half of the year

 

- update my blog with better entries

I got a lot of good entries this year, with all of the nice trips I made, and the exciting things I did! :-)

 

 

3 out of 6 it seems! 

How did it go for you, with last years resolutions?

 

I hope I will be able to sort things out somehow, and I am really sorry for neglecting this blog for so long. Life has been though lately, as you might have understood by now :-p due to my intense whining, which I appologiz for sincerly! 

Anywho, I hope everyone had a lovely christmas and a very

 

Let´s hope 2014 will be a good year with many kawaii adventures
and wonderful stories to tell in the future! ^0^

 GO GO FIGHTO EVERYONE!

I´ll see  you around!

Sugary sweet Christmas: Chocolate crunchy Cookie Cubes

EDIT: I realize as I am a person with an ED, it might be weird for me to post something like this, but it doesn´t mean I can´t bake something for christmas for my family.
In the spirit of the holidays, there are tons of traditions coming up!

For me, christmas is all about the preperations, which there are tons of.
We spend most of december prepearing for christmas, and loads of it includes baking and cooking all kinds of delicious sweets, candies, cakes and other snacks, as well as salting meat, fish, making salads and other things. Norwegian traditions says you should always have atleast seven different kinds of cakes for christmas, so you can imagine how busy I´ve been during the last few weekends!

I have had far too much school to be able to work on other things during the weekdays, so the end of the weeks have pretty much been devoted to christmas.

It makes me feel like a little child ;V; all giddy and happy inside, just thinking about it!

I hope it will be a nice vacation this year, we have loads of time after all! ^0^

I worked really hard these past few weeks, and managed to finish ALL my homework before we got off on holiday, so now I can do whatever I want ;V; yay! <3

So, kind of like a little celebration for christmas, and because I acctually did this all by myself this year for the first time, I wanted to share a little recipe with you guys! :-3

My mom and my godmother has had this tradition of making christmas confectioneries together every year, since I can remember. This year, however, none of them had the time, so I took it upon myself to bring the tradition forth ^0^

These little delicious treats are called 

Chocolate crunchy Cookie Cubes!

These things are said to be so delicious that you need to put a lock on the box, hehe x3

And really, with the rich, crunchy texture, and the delicious mixture, with both coconut – and almondflakes, sweet crunchy crackers,  and loads of delicious chocolate, with cream and syrup too, these yummy confections are perfect for anyone who enjoys some sugary goodness *v*
(might be a bit filling though ^^" so there is plenty to give away!!)

These have always been my sisters favourites, so I hope she will enjoy the ones I made as well :-)

I think the thing that makes these so dreamy, is the fact that we use light milky baking–chocolate for the filling, instead of dark baking–chocolate, which just wouldn´t do with this recipe.

I would reccomend any sweets-lover to have a go at making these!

They are pretty easy to whip together, with some coordination and concentration
(remember that this is the first time I made them, and they became perfect! )

And because of the conventient cube shape, they are perfect christmas gifts also. Put them in a little box, and wrap a red silk ribbon around them, and you´re ready to go :-3

Recipe:

300 g chopped milk baking-chocolate
2 tbsp light syrup
185 g butter
2 tbsp unwhipped cream
250 g chopped sweet crackers
(I use Marie crackers)
200 g almondflakes
1 1/2 dl coconutflakes

Glazing:
150 – 200 g milk chocolate
15 g butter

Directions:
Put down greaseproof paper in a pan that measures about 19 x 29 cm, and then butter it.
Mix together butter, sirup, the unwhipped cream and chocolate in a large sauce pan.
Use a low heat setting, and mix well until melted, but make sure it doesn´t boil!

 (TIP: always put the butter in first, and slightly let it melt before adding the other ingredients!).

Put in the chopped crackers, almond  – and coconutflakes, mix well.
Press the paste into the pan and set it aside.
Then you make the glazing. Melt the butter and the chocolate while stirring, and pour it over the pan.
Spread the glazing evenly and put the finished result in a cool storing place over night.
Cut the paste into cubes (around 2.5 – 3 cm wide),
and then you´re done! ^^

This was my little addition to the happiest seasons of the all! ^^

I really hope you enjoyed this entry, and will consider making the Chocolate crunchy Cookie Cubes for yourself also! If you do, please let me know!
And perhaps, if you don´t feel like making it this christmas,
there is always a good excuse to make chocolateconfections around valentines! ;-) 

As a last little addition to this entry, I would like to say that I am happy to announce that all my lolita things arrived in time! ^0^ So that means I get to wear my new outfit for christmas after all! ^v^

Whahh... I can´t feel bad around christmas, it is the best time of the year, and it just fills me with this happy feeling that makes me feel all giddy and happy inside >v< hihi

Do you have any baking traditions
for christmas?

Only a few days left now *V* iiih...
I almost can´t wait!

a little early, but still
Merry Christmas everyone!

Fuwa fuwa pastelly yellow

 I feel awfull for not updating. And the longer I have gone without doing so, the more terrible it feels. Coming here with yet another excuse and yet another promise of trying to update more frequently. 

So insert standard excuse here, though I  am unsure if I will be able to update more often...

 and when it comes to how I am...

...Lets just say I am not doing very well...

 

Taking advantage of the cold weather, my love for snuggly and cosy clothing, and the fact that I needed a new pair of slippers, I went and invested in a cute new set of roomwear to wear around the house, from DreamV, and a pair of Kiiroitori slippers from Ebay! ^^

Here is the product–picture of my roomwear set:

 (direct link here)

I went with the "cream" colourway ^^ (because I thought the off–white details looked the best on that colourway, and because I wanted to match my new slippers ;3;) Also, who said you have to go pink to be cute?

Isn´t it just adorable? ^^
Sadly, I think it might be sold out by now though...

Here is a picture of it worn, with my Kiiroitori slippers!
It is so big and snuggly ;V; <3 Seriously, it feels like wearing a warm, fluffy cloud! 

And its so soft that you almost can´t feel that you´r touching it *_*

(anyone know how to increase photo quality on a Iphone 4?)

The qualtiy of my phone–pictures is decreasing all the time, I am sorry the crappy look of this...

It is partly due to the difficult "lighting"–situation I am in. In the wintertime, we have very limited amounts of daylight this far north...

Also, sorry for having to blurr out my sleepy face =v= heheh

The thing I love about roomwear is that it is adorable, cute clothes you can wear all by yourself while taking it easy after a long day, or if your are just spending some time at home ;V; It is warm and cuddly without being sleepwear, and it makes you feel really good! ^v^

 

 I am really in love with these slippers ;v;

 

These next two weeks my parents are visiting my sister in South Africa for her graduation, so I am home alone again...

I have been good, getting almost all of the christmast presents I have planned to get for people this year ;V; yay! Almost done. Other than that, our teachers has decided to bury us in homework up until the very last minute of school, before christmas break 

(huh,  its like they have to compensate for the time we´ll be free during the holidays >.<) 

Are you in route
with buying christmas presents?

I even managed to get myself a little christmas present, hihi ^u^

I won´t say to much, but it involves a lot of lolita clothing, Angelic Pretty and a beautiful jumperskirt I plan on wearing as this years christmas dress ;v; <3 Ah, christmas is my favourite time of the year!
I just hope everything arrives in time! 

Matta–nee,

Happy belated halloween + new thiiiings

As I promised you guys,
I would post my Halloween outfit as soon as I had the confidence for it,
so here we are! 

I am quite happy with my theme, going for everything pumpkin and orange ^^ hehe

I just wish I had gotten my dress sooner >.<

 

I hope you like it anyway!

 (sorry about the bad quality pictures)

Halloween, Pumpkin!

Dress: Romwe

Socks: Ebay

Shoes: Taobao

Bag: Nille

Hair–accessories: Glitter

Other than that,
I wanted to show you guys some things I have gotten in the mail recently!

I have been ordering quite a few things lately you see...

I got a really, really wonderful artbook, with the works of animator artist Umakoshi Yoshihiko! responsible for the designs of, amongst other things, Precure and Ojamajo Doremi ^^!
I love it so much ;V; <333

I also got "Laputa – Castle in the sky" DVD by Studio Ghibli ^^ Another movie to add to my Ghibli collection! This far I have 10 of them <3

My dresses from Romwe, as you know, finally came along! ^^

I am looking forward to finding a nice coord to put together for this dress!

I went shopping with my mom last weekend.

She gave me this lovely, cosy sweater, and I bought the new
"Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 Remix" game for PS3 ^^
iiih, so excited!

(I haven´t tried the game yet, but I am looking forward to doing so! ^^)

And in the end, I just wanted to add that I got a lovely surprise in the mail yesterday!

My friend, Melva, sendt me a super cute Angelic Pretty postcard ; v; <3

I allready put it up on my wardrobe wall, with my other lolita postcards! ^^ 

hehe, I only have four of them, but I hope I´ll get more as time goes by ;v; 

I love the design so much! I wish I had chocolate tights ;V; they are so adorable! <333

Do you send letters to your friends? 

Thats it for now!
Thank you for reading, once again ^^

Happy belated halloween!

break–down

No one likes reading "all text" posts. 

As an avid blog reader myself, I know that too much text looks a bit overpowering,
and you kinda loose interest before even starting to read what the blog entry is all about.

Well, since we´ve established that, both you (readers) and I can agree on that I won´t make this update long. I am too tired to do so anyway, so don´t worry...

If you WANT to read about my current life, please proceed,
However, if you are here only for pictures or some kind of fashion/style related input,
I can´t help you right now....This is sadly just a personal update, for reference...

As a reward, I can inform you that I will be writing a review soon,
and post some pictures of my Halloween dress that just arrived two days ago (typically)
When I´ve got the energy for it...

This past month has been a rollercoaster of ups and extreme downs, most of all extreme downs...
Ever since my little brake from school after autumn–brake, I have never really gotten "back in the game" sort of... Getting back to school again made me feel anxious and tired, and at some points I felt extremly paranoid and aggressive for no reason at all... Every little thing triggered my mood, and all I could do was hope no one would talk to me or tell me to do anything
because I was so tired I just felt like weeping...

Sometimes, I would acctually just start crying, simply from trying to
talk to someone about something totally normal! Like asking what page to read,
or making a notice of the fact that I was going to the toilet.
I felt actual psycotic at times, thinking of death and just staring blankely into the air, having to read things over and over again to at all grasp what I was doing... 

The week in the ED Phsyciatry place only made me worse... I litterary got sicker....
The whole thing made everything a lot worse than it was before. I really didn´t like the way they lead their routines around that place, and it felt like an agony to be there...

All they did was ... you know.... food....
(I am so bad ill right now I can´t even get myself to WRITE about this ...)

And other than that they just left me in my room, alone...
I only had two conversations with a phsyciatrist, the whole time... other than that everyone treated me like it was something I wanted... to be there, that is... and they treated me like everything was so natural and easy and like nothing was hard at all... I had to call my mom or text her all the time to get some positive feedback at all from being there... it was killing me... I felt like they were just observing like robots and without any kind of feelings around the situations... taking blood samples every single day, making me all dizzy and bruised, and pumping some kind of weird vitamins into my arms through plastic things connected to my veins...
and with my terrible fear of shots and everything >.< ugh

Anyway, getting home this week was kinda rough also...

I had a mental brakedown the first day back here, after getting home from school

(on wednesday, since I came back home on tuesday)

It resulted in my mom forcing me to stay home for the rest of this week,

and they called my school about everything, since it has been such a mess lately...

The meeting involved the vice–principal, the study–leader of my trade at the school,
and my teacher, and both my parents.

We talked about how much my disease is distroying my life at the moment,
and that its not correct of them to allow me into a normal school–life in my state, if this continues...

So they kinda put an out a couple of options for me, none of wich I am able to even think about right now... I am SHOCKED really... I just couldn´t stop crying:

They wanted me to get away from some classes, and only take half, and rather do everything over 

TWO YEARS O_____________O

... I am saying this right now, this is never gonna happen... NEVER!!!

The other option was to lower my workload with excepting less than absolutely perfect everything, but that is also out of the question and they know it, because I am such a perfectionist, and my disease makes me punish myself all the time to push it harder and harder and harder,
to do everything right and be perfect....

and it just gets a million times worse when I don´t.... if I don´t do that... my mind implodes

 So right now, I am just... I am burned out, to be honest... there is really nothing else to say about it.

I am anxious and tired all the time, my whole body feels like I´ve run a million miles and my head shifts from pshycotic thoughts to nothingness and emptyness, to focusing on work work work, and I... am simply having a breakdown... even as tired as I am, I still feel worthless, and like I need to work harder, and that nothing is good enough... I never dress up anymore because it makes me too cold and I am too self–concious about everything. I don´t really feel happyness, just emptyness, I never do anything because I am too tired, I simply exist, I don´t live, sitting around breathing... doing my forever ongoing routine every single day, with all the work, all the exercise and work–outs....

My life is a mess.

I am done now, I have no idea what to say....

Thanks for reading if you did

I am so sorry for dissapointing you and braking down your pictures of me as some kind of good person. I am just a destroyed person. And I am terribly afraid of everything right now... I have been keeping away from updating because of the pressure I´ve felt in relations to it, another area where I have to be perfect, have to look like people want me to look, have to look like I do...

I am just so tired, I wish I wasn´t even born... everything is falling apart, just slipping through my hands right now, I feel so small and scared...