A new year, a fresh start?

 

Well, its time again to start a new year...

Last year, around this time, I was completely freaking out. I had a mayor depression around new-years, entering 2013, and I felt like time was running out. 

This year, I don´t exactly feel happy about the new year,
but I certainly don´t feel as panicked as I did back then!

Original as I am, I wanted to make a little post for you guys, but mostly for myself I think, with a small summary of the year that has gone by. It is easy to forget everything that happens throughout an entire year, especially the good parts, if you are predispositioned to be a bit....
ehm... negative, like I am :P hehe...

When I think back upon the year that has passed, I feel like I´ve accomplished nothing at all, but looking closer, I see that there are tons of things I´ve gone through and I´ve been on many an adventure in these past 365 days! 

Let´s get to it!: 

1. January:

I got a lot of sketchbooks for christmas the year before, so I sketched quite a lot during this first month of the year. Also I had a heavy depression on my shoulders....

2. February:

I started reading the infamous book "Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov (very interesting read, would reccomend it if you are thinking about reading it!), and I dressed up during the weekends. My parents went to Scotland to visit my sister for her birthday, and brought back gifts for me! My first ever Adventure Time comic books! :-D And by the end of the month, I was interviewed by my local newspaper to talk about my style/ lolita fashion.

3. March:

My birthday! I turned 19 at the very same day my mom was put in to hospital (since they discovered she had a cancer–tumor). Luckily they managed to remove it and after a heavy reasurence-cure she is as good as cancer free :-). Other than that loads of things happend in march. I got contacted about being in a documentary project involving a couple of handfulls of teenagers in the whole of Norway, talking about my life, interests and everything like that (the project itself didn´t start until later though). I also bought a huge graduation package from one of my top idol-groups "Pinku Project" (where I was so lucky as to win a special-price poster!) that decided to get seperated around that time because of the fact that they needed to focus on school ;3;

4. April: 

The month of April was a fairytale through and through! I went to Scotland to visit my sister, who studies there, during easter break, and at the same time I got to visit my dear friend Ruth (AKA Princess-Peachie). It was my first time meeting her, and my first time visiting another lolita, so it was rather special to me. I remember her room as a total dream *sighs* still wish I could live there (we were planning to lay down some of her jsk in her closet so I could sleep there, no one would know, hurhurhur OwO). 

We had all kinds of fun, going to a gigantic toy-store, having sushi and just watching silly cartoons and anime together. It was so much fun! ^^ I can´t wait to meet her again <3

5.May:

It was finally time to do something about that documentary project! For an entire, intense week, I was filmed several hours almost every day (which for an introvert like me is quite exhausting @_@) but we managed to pull through in the end. Imagine having someone follow you around school with a camera, even filming you getting on and off the bus?! :-P It was rather awkward....

Other than that, my dearest, best friend painted a lovely portrait of me, as a belated birthday present, and I cried ;_; <3 I got my first twin-tail wig and I wore quite a lot of lolita clothes in the weekends.

...Kinda also launched my first "teaser" on my new youtube channel....

6. June:

I coloured my hair bright, candy lilac as opposed to the blond hair I had been sporting until then. I published my first proper youtube movie to my new channel! It was about a Pinkly Ever After package I had gotten in the mail :-3. I got a handmade, one-of-a-kind dress that made me do a magical-girl transformation and turned me into Magical Princess Josephine.

I also got my very first sponsor agreement,
where I got a free pair of circle lenses that I did a review upon! ^^

7. July:

July was pretty much just work, work, WORK from day until night, so I neglected my blog quite a lot! I was so lucky as to get a summer-job at the local library again this year, so I saved up quite a lot of money! I also got the second Kyary Pamyu Pamyu CD/Photobook limited edition set during this period, which made me really happy ;v;. I discovered Bee & Puppycat as well, and became an instant fan! By the end of the month, I had planned to go to Sweden to visit my friend Emilia (AKA Pastelbat) to live with her for 12 days, including four days working with her in her co-owned maid-café on Närcon (a big anime convention in Sweden). It is an experience I will never forget, I truly had the time of my life and got to meet so many wonderful people! Everyone was so incredibly stylish and super sweet and wonderful ;v; I made so many friends!

8. August:

Nothing much happend in August. The first few days was still spent in Sweden. I wrote a lot about my trip, but after that I just worked a bit more at the library, and eventually started a new school year again. This time as a third-year, senior student!

9. September:

Ever since school started again, I was heading on a steady way downwards,
moodwise and health-wise...
...my depression got a lot worse....

I still wrote a lot about my trip to sweden during the weekends,
but hardly had the energy to dress up anymore, because of all the school work loaded on my shoulders...

10. October:

I was hospitalized for a little while, on a trial–thing, in relation to my ED. Also we had a self-portrait project at school, that I sort of missed out on. Had to do something quick, instead of my over-the-top sweet lolita plans, sadly.... 

I got my first rhapsody wig, in a pink colourway, from ebay,
and I ordered some cute new dresses that made me try out totally new styles!

 In the end I also had a mayor break-down and was made to stay home for several weeks due to my health condition.

11. November:

My breakdown lasted throughout most of november, but I somehow managed to pull together a Halloween-themed outfit in the middle of the month, even though it was to late for the actual celebration. I had mayor depression, and did not enjoy life much...

12. December:

Finally christmas-time! I am a child at heart, and christmas is my favourite time of the year. I feel like christmas is all around, through the entire month of December! I was still kind of down, and the work-load from school just grew, but somehow I was able to go through with it, attended and finished all my homework in time for christmas. During the holidays I helped with decorating and baking, and I just felt quite at ease during the first week.... until, a still lasting depression, hit quite hard right afterwards... Atleast I got to wear my very first classical lolita outfit, on christmas-eve, and also my first lolita outfit in general for several months!
I have not been dressing up due to my health-condition....

That is basically it for 2013! ^^

 I realize as I go through this list, that most the good and positive things happend during the first half of the year, while the other half just got increasingly worse as time went by :-S Right now I am not very good at all. I am depressed, and I haven´t bought any new clothing except for a few lolita things for several months, making everything in my closet really old and boring. And because my stupid phone is taking worse and worse pictures for some weird reason, I find myself also not too eager to update... A part of a good blog entry is the pictures, and whitout those its just not as nice,
in my opinion...

I guess this is a good time to start writing the ever feared 

-

New Years resolutions!:

- Buy a camera or a new mobilephone

- Buy a new computer

- Draw more

- Be happier

- Dress up more

- Wear makeup and do my hair properly more often

In regards to new years resolutions, I thought I go through the ones I made last year, 

to see how I made it with them! I did for a while, I think... mostly during the first half of the year

Last years new years resolutions:

- be happy 
was not able to do during a lot of the time

- do something for myself

I guess I sort of tried to do this a bit, atleast during the first half of the year!

 

- draw more

failed sadly >.>

 

- play more video games 

failed sadly <.<

 

- dress up a bit more

I did for a while, I think... mostly during the first half of the year

 

- update my blog with better entries

I got a lot of good entries this year, with all of the nice trips I made, and the exciting things I did! :-)

 

 

3 out of 6 it seems! 

How did it go for you, with last years resolutions?

 

I hope I will be able to sort things out somehow, and I am really sorry for neglecting this blog for so long. Life has been though lately, as you might have understood by now :-p due to my intense whining, which I appologiz for sincerly! 

Anywho, I hope everyone had a lovely christmas and a very

 

Let´s hope 2014 will be a good year with many kawaii adventures
and wonderful stories to tell in the future! ^0^

 GO GO FIGHTO EVERYONE!

I´ll see  you around!

The force of......thinking!

After long consideration, and loooong trains of thought, and not to forget mentioning huge amount of both physical and mental pain for months, and years, I have figured there is only one way for me not to die...

I have been having an increased amount of pain in my chest recently... waking up with heartpains and going to bed with heartpains... It is really scary being so short of breath and feeling so exhausted for no reason other than simply being awake...

Not that is was only that though, I have had serious issuses with compulsory needs and happenigns in my life, to the extend that it has completely taken over my life, making me force myself to do all kinds of paifull "rituals" everyday, with extreme amounts of working out, not eating etc...  I had this evil little bug in my mind that has been toturing me for almost seven years now...

It physically made me ill, it mentally made me mad and now.... I just can´t stand it...

My whole life has been dedicated to the thought of me being a worthless person, in need of punishment for not doing everything perfectly at all times, and if I couldn´t do it for a single second, I had to punish myself with more work, more training, more pain...

At the worst stage (in the most recent period of my life) I had a routine that started the second I woke up to the very last second I went to bed, only allowing me about 45 min of freetime throughout the entire day, filling up everything else with huge amounts of homework and work outs... but nothing I ever did was good enough, I was not allowed to spend time on anything else, because I was worthless...

And, after a yet another meeting about my serious condition, and talk of eventual admitting in a hospital, I suddenly felt this incredibly strong sensation, and..

it was amazing O.O

I suddenly felt like I woke up from a strong sleep that had lasted for years and years...
and I knew... it was my disease letting go... 

It hit me like a two ton rock in my stomach, I just felt this incredible feeling like "this is not me anymore!"

It is absolutely incredible, but after six years of more or less endless pain,
I feel like I am ready to start fighting this... 

It will be a long and slow battle, and I am afraid it will have tons of relapses and sessions with me getting worse... and I am sure this disease will pretty much stay with me in some kind of form my whole life...

 but I hope...

  I hope ...

I hope I will be able to atleast feel comfortable about myself one day! That, before anything else, will be my goal. My mind has been so twisted for so long... it is filled with selfhatred and thoughts about me not being worth anything, and not being good enough at anything, and for once, I would like to allow myself to be that. Good enough, that is... I feel incredibly bad just writing about it, because my disease still holds such a strong bond over me, but yeah.... I hope that I will be able to look at what I do one day and feel like its enough, and like I am proud of it or atleast pleased :-)! 

In the light of this "awakening" I have ordered some new things to try out some totally new styles! 

I felt it was time to order things again, both because it is a looong time since I last did, and because I kinda wanted to try something new, but ALSO because it´s soon time for Halloween again (and I absolutely LOVE Halloween *v*) so I needed something to wear for the occation! ^^ 

 

Anyway, made my first order ever from the online store

 ROMWE ! 

I would really reccomend taking a look at their online shop if you like cute,
alternative fashion and cool street styles! ^^  They have tons of it! 

The things I decided to get was some stuff I acctually never imagined I would fall for ;V; But yeah... It was probably time I renewed my closet, and tried out something totally new!

Here is my new Halloween dress! ^^

(direct link to the actual dress)

I have loved this design ever since I saw pictures of it on tumblr last year, so I am really happy that I was able to get my hands on it! ^^ I hope my order arrives in time for halloween, and that it will look good on me ;V; hehe... I am a bit nervous about the open back thingie,
but I hope I will have the confidence to wear it anyway!

And this is the second dress I got!

(direct link to the actual dress)

I just totally fell in love with this dress immediately when I saw it, and really... it is like nothing I own from beforehand, so it will be something totally new for me!
I think it kinda looks like something casual from Juliette Et Justine! ^^

I really like the design however ;V; Also hoping it will suit me,
and that I am able to dress it up in a nice kind of way! :-)

Atleast it will give me a nice opportunity to wear some lovely golden accessories and details >v<! <3
I allready have tons of ideas * v*

 

So yeah, that was just a small update for now.... but I feel like it is definitely one of the most important text posts I have ever made in my life. I hope you guys will respond in the comment box below, I would love to hear your thoughts upon the matter. 

Let´s try to be positive everyone, and focus on the nice things in life :)
It is ok to be sick once in a while, but when it totally defines your life an almost kills you...
it shouldn´t be ok like that... Wow, I still have to force myself to even write that, since my head tells me it´s acctually right that it is that way... 

I hope I will be able to work with this... 

I am really scared and nervous about it all, but I will try!

For now, that is all I´ve got.

Thank you all for reading this far!

~Pink, puffy and pastelly + the best present ever~

Moshi Moshi

After I met Peachie, I´ve felt like my inner sweet lolita spirit has been boosted! So, recently I´ve worn quite a few lolita outfits ! It has been a while since I posted any outfit entries, and I´ve really wanted to do it for a while... I hope you guys are as excited as I am!

I am really pleased with all of these outfits, so I hope you like them as well

~Outfit nr.1~

Some days after my return, I met up with the documentary guys again. Because of my vacation, and because they had been busy, we almost hadn´t met at all for ages! So we had to set up a rather busy schedule for the upcoming week, since they were going to leave after just a bit after that!
On sunday the in the week when I came home, Martin (the guy assigned to follow me) visited me for a photo session with me getting dressed in lolita, doing my makeup–routine
and me taking pictures of my outfit for my blog in my mirror >->"""

I was quite inspired by Peachie, and since I wanted to illustrate sweet lolita fashion as good as I could for the situation, I decided to wear memorial cake, in a pink, sweet and "hime" lolita outfit

Princess Pink fluff

Jsk: Angelic Pretty
Blouse: trift shop vintage
Tights: H&M
Socks: H&M
Shoes: Baby the star shines bright
Wig: Prisila
Accessories: Angelic Pretty, homemade, gift,
 Chocomint,Glitter, vintage

 

 
I really like how I did my makeup this time also.

I will probably  get some of the pictures from the photoshoot sometime soon,
and when I do, I will do an update!



~Outfit nr.2~ 



The second outfit I wanted to show you is the sweet lolita outfit I wore to school,
when we took our class picture last week! (I had to wake up two hours earlier to get ready >.>""")

Lollipop sweetie

Jsk: Angelic Pretty
Cutsew: Angelic Pretty
Tights: H&M
OTK: Secret Shop
Shoes: Secret Shop
Accessories: Angelic Pretty, Chocomint, CuteCanKill,
HolleyTeaTime, Homemade, vintage

"Will senpai notice me this year?"

And lastly, just a little lazy free-time outfit I wore because I wanted to wear something cute and versatile at home during a weekend not too long ago

~Outfit nr.3~

 

I loooove room–wear, and I dream to obtain many more sets
 when I have the funds for it >v> Currently I just own this one that I got from DreamV,
 but it is super cute and comfy so I just totally adore it!

The shirt is from Refuse To Be Usual on Ebay, the tights are from amazon, the slippers from H&M, necklace from Pie in the Sky and the hairtie from Miyamo via Sol & Bebe Sol

No makeup worn since it was just a lazy outfit I wanted to wear my new necklace with something cute, so I just tried out some stuff, really... what do you think?




To end this entry, I want to write a bit about a present I recently got from
my very best friend in the whole world She made me a birthday present,
because she is just so perfectly kind and wonderful like that !
 

She FREAKING PAINTED MEEEE ;A;!!!

omg, you guys have nooo idea how I cried when I unwrapped this thing

Seriously! She is so talented it is just amazing! It looks totally like me and everything ;_; 

I don´t even know what to say... I feel so incredibly proud of her <3 I´ve seen her progress for almost ten years now, and she is just so stunningly amazing I just.... it took my breath away, and my parents had to comfort me for a little while because I wept... Silja, I love you<3 This is the most amazing gift I have ever recieved in my entire life...

To see more of my best friends amazing art, and to support her wonderful skills, 

please visit her deviantart page HERE

It will definitely be worth your while!

That´s it for now, I really hope you guys enjoyed this entry! I have finally figured out how to use small pixel icons inside my texts! yaaay! I will continue to do that onwards, 

because I love how cute it looks ^^

Until next time!

Stay cute and genki! >0< 

Await more reports from the kawaii world of frillypinkdreams x3

Yours,