Sugary sweet Christmas: Chocolate crunchy Cookie Cubes

EDIT: I realize as I am a person with an ED, it might be weird for me to post something like this, but it doesn´t mean I can´t bake something for christmas for my family.
In the spirit of the holidays, there are tons of traditions coming up!

For me, christmas is all about the preperations, which there are tons of.
We spend most of december prepearing for christmas, and loads of it includes baking and cooking all kinds of delicious sweets, candies, cakes and other snacks, as well as salting meat, fish, making salads and other things. Norwegian traditions says you should always have atleast seven different kinds of cakes for christmas, so you can imagine how busy I´ve been during the last few weekends!

I have had far too much school to be able to work on other things during the weekdays, so the end of the weeks have pretty much been devoted to christmas.

It makes me feel like a little child ;V; all giddy and happy inside, just thinking about it!

I hope it will be a nice vacation this year, we have loads of time after all! ^0^

I worked really hard these past few weeks, and managed to finish ALL my homework before we got off on holiday, so now I can do whatever I want ;V; yay! <3

So, kind of like a little celebration for christmas, and because I acctually did this all by myself this year for the first time, I wanted to share a little recipe with you guys! :-3

My mom and my godmother has had this tradition of making christmas confectioneries together every year, since I can remember. This year, however, none of them had the time, so I took it upon myself to bring the tradition forth ^0^

These little delicious treats are called 

Chocolate crunchy Cookie Cubes!

These things are said to be so delicious that you need to put a lock on the box, hehe x3

And really, with the rich, crunchy texture, and the delicious mixture, with both coconut – and almondflakes, sweet crunchy crackers,  and loads of delicious chocolate, with cream and syrup too, these yummy confections are perfect for anyone who enjoys some sugary goodness *v*
(might be a bit filling though ^^" so there is plenty to give away!!)

These have always been my sisters favourites, so I hope she will enjoy the ones I made as well :-)

I think the thing that makes these so dreamy, is the fact that we use light milky baking–chocolate for the filling, instead of dark baking–chocolate, which just wouldn´t do with this recipe.

I would reccomend any sweets-lover to have a go at making these!

They are pretty easy to whip together, with some coordination and concentration
(remember that this is the first time I made them, and they became perfect! )

And because of the conventient cube shape, they are perfect christmas gifts also. Put them in a little box, and wrap a red silk ribbon around them, and you´re ready to go :-3

Recipe:

300 g chopped milk baking-chocolate
2 tbsp light syrup
185 g butter
2 tbsp unwhipped cream
250 g chopped sweet crackers
(I use Marie crackers)
200 g almondflakes
1 1/2 dl coconutflakes

Glazing:
150 – 200 g milk chocolate
15 g butter

Directions:
Put down greaseproof paper in a pan that measures about 19 x 29 cm, and then butter it.
Mix together butter, sirup, the unwhipped cream and chocolate in a large sauce pan.
Use a low heat setting, and mix well until melted, but make sure it doesn´t boil!

 (TIP: always put the butter in first, and slightly let it melt before adding the other ingredients!).

Put in the chopped crackers, almond  – and coconutflakes, mix well.
Press the paste into the pan and set it aside.
Then you make the glazing. Melt the butter and the chocolate while stirring, and pour it over the pan.
Spread the glazing evenly and put the finished result in a cool storing place over night.
Cut the paste into cubes (around 2.5 – 3 cm wide),
and then you´re done! ^^

This was my little addition to the happiest seasons of the all! ^^

I really hope you enjoyed this entry, and will consider making the Chocolate crunchy Cookie Cubes for yourself also! If you do, please let me know!
And perhaps, if you don´t feel like making it this christmas,
there is always a good excuse to make chocolateconfections around valentines! ;-) 

As a last little addition to this entry, I would like to say that I am happy to announce that all my lolita things arrived in time! ^0^ So that means I get to wear my new outfit for christmas after all! ^v^

Whahh... I can´t feel bad around christmas, it is the best time of the year, and it just fills me with this happy feeling that makes me feel all giddy and happy inside >v< hihi

Do you have any baking traditions
for christmas?

Only a few days left now *V* iiih...
I almost can´t wait!

a little early, but still
Merry Christmas everyone!

Fuwa fuwa pastelly yellow

 I feel awfull for not updating. And the longer I have gone without doing so, the more terrible it feels. Coming here with yet another excuse and yet another promise of trying to update more frequently. 

So insert standard excuse here, though I  am unsure if I will be able to update more often...

 and when it comes to how I am...

...Lets just say I am not doing very well...

 

Taking advantage of the cold weather, my love for snuggly and cosy clothing, and the fact that I needed a new pair of slippers, I went and invested in a cute new set of roomwear to wear around the house, from DreamV, and a pair of Kiiroitori slippers from Ebay! ^^

Here is the product–picture of my roomwear set:

 (direct link here)

I went with the "cream" colourway ^^ (because I thought the off–white details looked the best on that colourway, and because I wanted to match my new slippers ;3;) Also, who said you have to go pink to be cute?

Isn´t it just adorable? ^^
Sadly, I think it might be sold out by now though...

Here is a picture of it worn, with my Kiiroitori slippers!
It is so big and snuggly ;V; <3 Seriously, it feels like wearing a warm, fluffy cloud! 

And its so soft that you almost can´t feel that you´r touching it *_*

(anyone know how to increase photo quality on a Iphone 4?)

The qualtiy of my phone–pictures is decreasing all the time, I am sorry the crappy look of this...

It is partly due to the difficult "lighting"–situation I am in. In the wintertime, we have very limited amounts of daylight this far north...

Also, sorry for having to blurr out my sleepy face =v= heheh

The thing I love about roomwear is that it is adorable, cute clothes you can wear all by yourself while taking it easy after a long day, or if your are just spending some time at home ;V; It is warm and cuddly without being sleepwear, and it makes you feel really good! ^v^

 

 I am really in love with these slippers ;v;

 

These next two weeks my parents are visiting my sister in South Africa for her graduation, so I am home alone again...

I have been good, getting almost all of the christmast presents I have planned to get for people this year ;V; yay! Almost done. Other than that, our teachers has decided to bury us in homework up until the very last minute of school, before christmas break 

(huh,  its like they have to compensate for the time we´ll be free during the holidays >.<) 

Are you in route
with buying christmas presents?

I even managed to get myself a little christmas present, hihi ^u^

I won´t say to much, but it involves a lot of lolita clothing, Angelic Pretty and a beautiful jumperskirt I plan on wearing as this years christmas dress ;v; <3 Ah, christmas is my favourite time of the year!
I just hope everything arrives in time! 

Matta–nee,

Happy belated halloween + new thiiiings

As I promised you guys,
I would post my Halloween outfit as soon as I had the confidence for it,
so here we are! 

I am quite happy with my theme, going for everything pumpkin and orange ^^ hehe

I just wish I had gotten my dress sooner >.<

 

I hope you like it anyway!

 (sorry about the bad quality pictures)

Halloween, Pumpkin!

Dress: Romwe

Socks: Ebay

Shoes: Taobao

Bag: Nille

Hair–accessories: Glitter

Other than that,
I wanted to show you guys some things I have gotten in the mail recently!

I have been ordering quite a few things lately you see...

I got a really, really wonderful artbook, with the works of animator artist Umakoshi Yoshihiko! responsible for the designs of, amongst other things, Precure and Ojamajo Doremi ^^!
I love it so much ;V; <333

I also got "Laputa – Castle in the sky" DVD by Studio Ghibli ^^ Another movie to add to my Ghibli collection! This far I have 10 of them <3

My dresses from Romwe, as you know, finally came along! ^^

I am looking forward to finding a nice coord to put together for this dress!

I went shopping with my mom last weekend.

She gave me this lovely, cosy sweater, and I bought the new
"Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 Remix" game for PS3 ^^
iiih, so excited!

(I haven´t tried the game yet, but I am looking forward to doing so! ^^)

And in the end, I just wanted to add that I got a lovely surprise in the mail yesterday!

My friend, Melva, sendt me a super cute Angelic Pretty postcard ; v; <3

I allready put it up on my wardrobe wall, with my other lolita postcards! ^^ 

hehe, I only have four of them, but I hope I´ll get more as time goes by ;v; 

I love the design so much! I wish I had chocolate tights ;V; they are so adorable! <333

Do you send letters to your friends? 

Thats it for now!
Thank you for reading, once again ^^

Happy belated halloween!

break–down

No one likes reading "all text" posts. 

As an avid blog reader myself, I know that too much text looks a bit overpowering,
and you kinda loose interest before even starting to read what the blog entry is all about.

Well, since we´ve established that, both you (readers) and I can agree on that I won´t make this update long. I am too tired to do so anyway, so don´t worry...

If you WANT to read about my current life, please proceed,
However, if you are here only for pictures or some kind of fashion/style related input,
I can´t help you right now....This is sadly just a personal update, for reference...

As a reward, I can inform you that I will be writing a review soon,
and post some pictures of my Halloween dress that just arrived two days ago (typically)
When I´ve got the energy for it...

This past month has been a rollercoaster of ups and extreme downs, most of all extreme downs...
Ever since my little brake from school after autumn–brake, I have never really gotten "back in the game" sort of... Getting back to school again made me feel anxious and tired, and at some points I felt extremly paranoid and aggressive for no reason at all... Every little thing triggered my mood, and all I could do was hope no one would talk to me or tell me to do anything
because I was so tired I just felt like weeping...

Sometimes, I would acctually just start crying, simply from trying to
talk to someone about something totally normal! Like asking what page to read,
or making a notice of the fact that I was going to the toilet.
I felt actual psycotic at times, thinking of death and just staring blankely into the air, having to read things over and over again to at all grasp what I was doing... 

The week in the ED Phsyciatry place only made me worse... I litterary got sicker....
The whole thing made everything a lot worse than it was before. I really didn´t like the way they lead their routines around that place, and it felt like an agony to be there...

All they did was ... you know.... food....
(I am so bad ill right now I can´t even get myself to WRITE about this ...)

And other than that they just left me in my room, alone...
I only had two conversations with a phsyciatrist, the whole time... other than that everyone treated me like it was something I wanted... to be there, that is... and they treated me like everything was so natural and easy and like nothing was hard at all... I had to call my mom or text her all the time to get some positive feedback at all from being there... it was killing me... I felt like they were just observing like robots and without any kind of feelings around the situations... taking blood samples every single day, making me all dizzy and bruised, and pumping some kind of weird vitamins into my arms through plastic things connected to my veins...
and with my terrible fear of shots and everything >.< ugh

Anyway, getting home this week was kinda rough also...

I had a mental brakedown the first day back here, after getting home from school

(on wednesday, since I came back home on tuesday)

It resulted in my mom forcing me to stay home for the rest of this week,

and they called my school about everything, since it has been such a mess lately...

The meeting involved the vice–principal, the study–leader of my trade at the school,
and my teacher, and both my parents.

We talked about how much my disease is distroying my life at the moment,
and that its not correct of them to allow me into a normal school–life in my state, if this continues...

So they kinda put an out a couple of options for me, none of wich I am able to even think about right now... I am SHOCKED really... I just couldn´t stop crying:

They wanted me to get away from some classes, and only take half, and rather do everything over 

TWO YEARS O_____________O

... I am saying this right now, this is never gonna happen... NEVER!!!

The other option was to lower my workload with excepting less than absolutely perfect everything, but that is also out of the question and they know it, because I am such a perfectionist, and my disease makes me punish myself all the time to push it harder and harder and harder,
to do everything right and be perfect....

and it just gets a million times worse when I don´t.... if I don´t do that... my mind implodes

 So right now, I am just... I am burned out, to be honest... there is really nothing else to say about it.

I am anxious and tired all the time, my whole body feels like I´ve run a million miles and my head shifts from pshycotic thoughts to nothingness and emptyness, to focusing on work work work, and I... am simply having a breakdown... even as tired as I am, I still feel worthless, and like I need to work harder, and that nothing is good enough... I never dress up anymore because it makes me too cold and I am too self–concious about everything. I don´t really feel happyness, just emptyness, I never do anything because I am too tired, I simply exist, I don´t live, sitting around breathing... doing my forever ongoing routine every single day, with all the work, all the exercise and work–outs....

My life is a mess.

I am done now, I have no idea what to say....

Thanks for reading if you did

I am so sorry for dissapointing you and braking down your pictures of me as some kind of good person. I am just a destroyed person. And I am terribly afraid of everything right now... I have been keeping away from updating because of the pressure I´ve felt in relations to it, another area where I have to be perfect, have to look like people want me to look, have to look like I do...

I am just so tired, I wish I wasn´t even born... everything is falling apart, just slipping through my hands right now, I feel so small and scared...

 

 

A longer period of time

When you really don´t feel like life is going anywhere, updating your blog isn´t something you think much about. So, I decided to save up some stuff over a bit of time, so that I would acctually have something to show you guys! ^^ 

Ok, so, nothing much has happend since my "awakening". As I might have mentioned back then, we had our autumn brake off school (thursday the 10th and friday the11th of October – through that following weekend) and because of my mental and physical condition back then I, together with my parents and therapist, decided it would be best for me to just stay home the whole following week as well. To get some rest basically (because I am completely burned out and everything is making me tired, especially over-thinking).
My therapist wrote a notice for my teacher about it.

I felt really... scared. Everything felt fresh and new, and it was just like I had got a totally new pair of eyes that had never seen the world before. It was like a cloud had lifted off my head, and after so many years I could see things clearly! 

After my visit at the hospital (where they were thinking of admitting me) I had about 10 days of nothingness ahead of me. It was quite motivating to think about, conserning how I felt about working on my disease. However, I was so exhausted from everyday life that I pretty much just slept away most of the week. I had initially planned to set up a schedule for myself and try to work on some things, but my anxiety just grew, and my depression got stronger, and I felt so incredibly tired all the time, for merly excisting, not neccesarily even doing anything, that I wound up spending most of my time sleeping. My positive thoughts dissapeared and I fell back into the disease again...

To make things worse, my mac died the second day of autumn brake, so I couldn´t do much homework either. I used an old computer and borrowed my moms´ sometimes, mostly to send messages to my teachers and ask them about stuff/updates. 

I felt really, really bad about not going to school >.<

Anyway, going back a bit again, to mention what happend at the time: during the first weekend after my mini-brake had started (around the 12th of october) me and my parents went into town
to look around some shops.

I wore a rather casual outfit, that felt a bit cold, but I was lucky enough to

borrow my mothers extremly snuggly sweater! 

I could live in this thing.

Sweater is from Ireland, pants from H&M, Shoes from Scotland, beret from paris,

Scarf from H&M, accessories are homemade, and from local shops, and BrokenDoll,
and lastly, tshirt from Taobao. 

We had a nice, calm day mainly browsing, and my mom ran some errands.

I tried looking around for some nice, warm sweaters for autumn and winter,
but I didn´t really find anything that cought my interest...

However, I did find a really lovely kind of scarf that I have wanted to get for ages.

It´s the kind that is like an enormous collar that you just twirl around your head several times.

A huge, knitted thingie with a lovely, deep, wine red colour. 

Have never owned one of those scarfs, so when my mom offered to buy it for me as a little "present of the day" I squeeled in joy and couldn´t stop smiling for about an hour later >////v/////>

After that day nothing much happend onwards, as I mentioned before...

I got a new meeting at the hospital where I was perhaps meant to be admitted (because they usually have two meetings like that before they decide anything), and this time my father joined me.
It was exactly a week after the first meeting.

I decided that even if I was going out for such a sad reason, I atleast wanted to look kinda decent, 

so I dressed myself in autumn colours (mustard yellow, dark green, wine red with golden details) 

and I tried to prepare my mind for what was ahead. 

To be quite honest, I was terrified and felt extremly uncomfortable about the whole situation.

I am just happy I was able to spend the whole day with my dad, atleast. 

It was kinda fun, once the meeting part was over :–) 

You see, to get to the town where the special hospital is, you got to travel by plane for about 30-40 min. And because our meeting was in the morning around noon, and our plane tickets to return home was around 9 pm, we had the whole days to ourself down town!

It is a lot bigger place than any of our local towns, so we had plenty to do. 

As we explored stores, both together and seperatly, I stumbled upon a full-lenght mirror, 

and thought I might just as well snap a picture of my look.

It is only with my coat on, but I kinda like how it looked anyway.

Here you see my incredibly huge, head-eating new scarf that my mom got me the weekend before!

And you can see my attractive hobo-gloves and my pants that are far too big ^^" eheh

Comfy outfit was comfy! I kinda like how I did my hair too :–) 

After getting home that day, I felt even more certain that I wouldn´t want to be admitted. Still they convinced me to accept getting an "offer about a trial–week" the following tuesday (the 22th of October, after my mini–brake was over and I had gone back to school), so I could get some more time to think about it.

Then, in the second weekend/the last days of my brake came, me and my mom decided to go out together on saturday, for a "girls day out". We both felt like we could need a little "cheer–up", so we went into our local town to do some shopping, and then visit one of the small cafés we have there. 

It was so lovely! Recently, it has suddenly becoming really wintery around here, since it has been snowing heavily for the last couple of weeks, so it felt nice folding my hands around a nice cup of cocoa. I also got a really big cookie that I can´t understand how they were able to make (it was the size my face or something O.o) (gosh I feel terrible talking about food, I´ll just stop now >.<) 

I guess what my point was building up to, was that I acctually decided to dress up that day also.

I felt this extreme pull towards fairy–kei, so I just went pastel, pastel, pastel

 I look kinda mad for some reason ^^" ehehe

... after adding some more details. I got most of these things from online shops, like my Milklim sweater, Kreepsville 666, HolleyTeaTime, Chocomint, Taobao and CuteCanKill accessories.
Other accessories include stuff that is homemade,
gifts and stuff I bought at conventions (6%DokiDoki bow etc.) and local shops.

The very last day of my brake (sunday 20th of october) I completely devoted to writing letters and drawing. I feel kinda proud I was acctually able to draw a proper drawing, after weeks and weeks of not even doodling. Truth is, I really, really, really DON´T have the energy to draw or be creative at all, so I was completely beat after drawing only this, even it only being A5 sized >.< 

I was so close to giving up on everything several times, 

just because I felt so tried and unconsentrated, but I forced myself to pull through.

I don´t know if this will be the only one I draw this year or not, and I know it´s a bit early, 

but anyway...

here is my halloween drawing!

(I am sorry the picture is kinda dark, it was taken late in the evening!)

I only used colouring pencils on this one, except for the fine-liner and the shiny,

 white spots that I did with my Sakura gelly-roll. I just adore halloween themes, 

and especially the colour combination of orange and purple!^^

  I hope you guys like my illustration, please feel free to comment about it below! <3

 

Moving on to even more recent events:

Even though this whole week has pretty much been one big work–load from morning until night, since I missed the week before, we did some stuff that was kinda fun at school. We have recently been given a self–portrait assignement, that we had pretty much no rules for. Me being sick for a week, made me miss most of the task, but I was still able to snap some pictures during the last hours of our school day on thursday ( 24th of october). I was trying to go for a "mermaidy–fairy-like" kind of look, mixed with my national roots and a bit of symbolism. Keep in mind that I had veeery limited amount of time, and very limited amount of self–esteem and energy... I had initially planned this whole cupcakey lolita extreme sugar kawaii glittery cute explotion of a picture, but my health and mental condition wouldn´t allow that just now... despite feeling like a failure,

I kinda like how they turned out anyway.

Keep in mind that I came up with this idea on a one–day notice!

Here is a few of the pictures we snapped:

(blogger kinda ruins the quality though)

Well, yeah >.<" I know they are kinda... weird, and I know the concept is really vague, but... uhm.. well ^^" ehehe... I hope you guys like them anyway :–p

I took the bus home after school that day, and since I was allready wearing makeup,

and because I just cut my fringe, I felt like taking a few selfies as well

I am kinda unsure what colour my hair is these days, I reeeally ought to dye it again soon >. >"""

It´s sorta blue–green–blonde–gray-ish uhm... I don´t even know XD haha

Yesterday (24th of October as you might remember) something else also happend. 

I had gotten an offer from the hospital where I was going to be admitted, about that trial–week, on Tuesday.... I sorta ignored it up until now, trying to not think to hard about it, but I realized despite how afraid it makes me, and how much I don´t want to do it

 I will go through with it after all...

 

It is mostly because of pressure though, because no-one wants me to just stay at home anymore, and ultimately it was such a mental pressure I just... 

I still feel really bad about the whole dicition >.< 

So, as a heads-up!

Next tuesday I will be admitted at the special hospital for a trial–week
at their ED–oriented program, to see how they work there and such... 

What that will result in, I have no idea as of yet... I am just extremly nervous and I have this urging grudge growing in me about it all, so I´d rather not even think about it right now >.< 

Thank you for reading this far!

I hope I will be able to update soon again :–)

Matta-ne!