torsdag 14. mars 2013

The worst day ever

Today is my birthday.
I bet you didn´t expect a headline like that, with a follow up line like that underneath it! 
Well, it truly was... 

Today was surposed to be my day... a day where I could feel a little bit pampered and dandy. Not having to do the dishes or make dinner, get greetings and presents, and simply have a nice time.
Sadly, I already knew when this week begun that my school day was going to be rather terrible. Therefore I took extra measure this morning, and made sure to look extra nice. Proper makeup, comfortable, yet nice clothes and even a little hairdo! Even though today
 was going to be a bit shitty, I could atleast look good.

Two tests in one day, AND a terribly gruesome movie
 that our teacher was going to make us watch!
I was lucky enough to get an alternative to watching the movie, because I just couldn´t take it. (If you are wondering what movie it was, it was "The Green Mile"... It is such a disturbing movie that it makes me teary eyed and nauseous just thinking about it... I have seen it once, and I will NEVER do that again... I promised myself that... it was far to gruesome and horrible
 for anyone to ever have to suffer through...)

One of the tests was an oral presentation also, so I was twice as nervous about that. 
Whenever I am going to have a presentation, I just start shaking 
and the first couple of sentences are always sounding like I´m about to cry...

I don´t know how much I remembered about the subject, it had to do with legal rights as an employee, because the only thing I remember is that I doubted my words for two seconds too long, and I felt like a total screw up when I had to peek at my notes... 

Luckily, I felt like the other test went rather good. It was about literature (fiction) and especially the genre short-stories. I had read through the chapter many times, but lately I have just felt like everything I read comes into my head and leaves just as quickly... 
I simply can´t concentrate for the life of me.

It took a while before people remembered it was my birthday, but they were all very good to me, and sang me a birthday song and hugged me. That part was really nice.
Then the last bomb dropped. I had finally finished everything that had been stressing me and ruining my mood all week, when my dad texted me and said he was with my mom at the hospital for a check-up. Ok, I thought to myself, since I know she has had a pain in her stomach for a while, and she also told me she was going for a check up today. So this news didn´t really startle me. I was a bit puzzled over the fact that my dad joined in though, 
but he told me everything was fine and I should just go home after school. 
So I did... we texted some more, and suddenly he told me my mom had to have a surgery... o_o
My phone died and I felt a bit nervous... I put it on charge as fast as I got home, but we didn´t have any more contact over the phone after that.

I had no idea what was going on until my father came home some time later, and then he told me everything. They had found a tumor, and decided to get rid of it right away. They know nothing about if it´s a bad or good tumor yet and they probably won´t know until it´s been a couple of days with some testing and such... 

I am so scared ;_; I love my mom so much... I just want everything to be ok with her. I can´t even concentrate on anything. This is just so terrible. The worst part is that I feel like this whole thing is just numb. Like, I don´t feel no extreme fear or that I worry a lot, 
I just feel sorry that I am not able to care more. 

I am also so very sad because this means I won´t be able to celebrate my birthday this year either ;_;
I didn´t last year, and I can´t now... and I know it`s really selfish, but it made me so sad... I just... 
My dad was really a downer when he first came home, I tried to start making the rest of the dinner my mom had prepared for them to make when we came home, and he even said
 he didn´t feel like eating at all. I just couldn´t take it...that made the cup float over it´s limits....
 I just started crying. 

He hugged me, and helped me make dinner, and even though we were both kind of silent and deeply sunken into our thoughts, we tried to do the best out of the situation. We toasted and finished the dinner. My dad took the rest of it in a doggy-bag to bring to my mom,
 since he said it would be a lot better than the food at the hospital. Then he went to visit her... 
I honestly did not want to go along with him yet. 

And now we are here. At the end of the day. My whole day has been a big bomb dropped after another and now I am just so sad that everything bad had to happen on my birthday.

I just thought I´d share that with you guys. I know this entry might not be interesting at all, but it is a part of my life, and if you read my blog, you must somehow have an interest in me also.

Thanks for reading

29 kommentarer:

  1. I'm really sorry to hear about your mom bb :C fingers crossed everything goes okay for you. I know how you feel about birthdays, to me they seem to be nothing but bad luck as depressing as that sounds. I've never had a great birthday if i'm honest, something is always doomed to go wrong.

    Maybe you could celebrate and do something with your mom when she's better again? c:


    1. Thank you very much for your supporting words <3 ;_; I am also hoping very much that everything will be ok for her... Aww, I feel so bad for you now ;A; *hug*

      I hope we will be able to celebrate properly again soon!

  2. I am so sorry for you :( ,, I know how you feel, my birthdays are also very often sad and stressful, (once my dog died, when he was passed by a car- that was my worst birthday ever!) ,, and one day, it was not on my birthday, but I found my mother
    in an epileptic fit, and it was soo horrible :( ,, but I wish you happy birthday and that your mom will be home soon :)

    1. oh gosh;A; all those event sounds awfully terrible!
      I appreciate your supporting words, but honestly I feel more worried about you now!

  3. I am so sorry to read this :((( I really hope your mom will be ok!!! <3

  4. Oh no, I hope your mom will be okay, hang in there ♥ Here's me wishing you a happy birthday, and may the next one have no negative emotions :) *hugs*

    1. thank you! ^0^I indeed hope you are right! three tedious birthdays in a row will be to much...

  5. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, I really hope that she'll be ok!

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you! i'm sorry that you've had a bad birthday, I hope next year will be good to you. Maybe you could have a Merry UnBirthday like in Alice in Wonderland and celebrate your birthday again on a better day ^_^

    1. Thank you for the supporting words! I hope she will be, yes!
      That is a really good idea :) thank you! I will see what I can do about it

  6. Happy Birthday Sweetie! <2

    I hope your mom is alright! I can kind of relate to that numb feeling. My mom and sister were in a car accident a few years ago and at the time I was shocked. But after getting to the hospital and stuff I just felt like, why am I not more upset? It hit me afterwards like a huge emotional whirlwind but after that I was fine.

    Maybe you can have your birthday celebration this weekend! ^^ I'll be having mine this weekend because I have to work on my actual birthday since it falls on a Wednesday this year.

    We all have bad birthdays here and there, so you are not alone <3 (If it makes you feel any better, my sister is 18 and she's never had her own birthday party. Why? Because she has the same birthday as my aunt and uncle. She never gets her own party because we always go to my aunt's party.)

    Take care! <3 <3 <3

    1. I have the same birthday as five others in my family, but I luckily get a party quite often ^^
      We are having a party tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it! My mom is still in the hospital. I visited her today, and when I saw her lying there in the hospital bed, my tears just started streaming down my face ;_; The doctors haven´t tested everything yet, but they are very positive about everything.

    2. I've had my share of hospital visits as well. My dad was unfortunate enough to get SARS as well as H1N1 when those rolled around so I understand your feelings. He's fine now though. I know it's hard, but you and your family will get through this. Things will be alright, just hang tight <3

  7. Hey, just wanted to say, I'm sorry about your mom. I wish you and your family good luck and good health, and whether you're religious or not (I can't remember right now if that was written somewhere - can't remember much of anything, actually.) I'll pray for you guys. And happy birthday, by the way. I would send you a song or a cake or something, but I don't see an attachment button on here. If it helps, my favorite pet died on my birthday when I was in kindergarten. Actually... that probably won't help.
    Anyway, happy birthday. Hope you get a chance to celebrate!
    Frabchis weeways.

    1. Thank you very much! Your supporting words are plenty ;v; <3
      I think of myself as an agnostic when it comes to religion, but I find myself praying sometimes also...
      I feel sorry for your pet, omg that is so terrible :(
      Thanks again for this message though!

  8. Happy Birthday firstly ^ - ^ But I'm sorry for such a bad day,one thing on top of another just isn't fair,fell better though,there are many people that read your blog that care about you and your family ~ <33 *hugs*

    1. Thank you very much ^^ Today was a lot better, and tomorrow will be great :)
      I started crying when I went to visit my mom today, but the doctors are very positive about the whole situation, even though we still don´t have any results.

  9. I am surprised because your birthday is my birthday too, and I followed you some days ago without noticed it.

    Sometimes we have a very bad day, but then, it will be better through the time, Everything is gonna be alright, I hope your mom will get better,

    1. Happy belated birthday to you then! ^^ I hope you had a lovely day!
      I will get to celebrate my birthday this weekend, but I´m a bit sad that my mom can´t be there...
      Thank you very much for this message!

  10. Happy birthday! :3

    I am so sorry to hear about your mom, I hope she will be better soon! It feels like many of people I know are going through some kind of sickness in their family and it's always really scary to hear about these things.

    Try to relax, I am sure your mom is in good hands in the hospital. She'll come back home soon! :>

    1. thank you very much for your nice and supporting words.
      My mom is lot better allready, but we don´t have the test results yet, so we will just have to wait still...

  11. Okei ender opp med å komentere på norsk på denne. Jeg fikk seriøst klump i halsen av å lese dette! Jeg vet ikke hva jeg skal si, for jeg er ganske sjokkert. Jeg syndes bare så synn på deg, at familiemedler blir syke er aldri noe bra, å spessielt ikke i ditt tilfelle, på bursdagen din! Jeg hadde håpet på et flott bursdagsinnlegg fra deg. Jeg håper virkelig det går bra med moren din, og når det gjelder operasjonen, så er det bedre førevar. Jeg håper bare du ikke tar det for personlig, siden dette skjedde på bursdagen din. Jeg skjønner veldig godt at det kan føles som om det er din feil eller no, siden det egentlig skulle være din dag. Jeg tenker masse på deg og moren din. Om du ikke vill oppdatere mye om det på bloggen din, så må du bare vite at jeg vil veldig gjerne vite hvordan det går, så det er bare å snakke med meg. Lykke til Josephine <3

    1. Tusen takk <3 Jeg har vært helt ukonsentrert og ganske ute av meg siden det skjedde. Hun har det mye bedre nå og ser mye bedre ut, men vi vet ingenting før over helgen. Da får vi testresultatene tilbake.
      Jeg har hatt skikkelig dårlig samvittighet fordi jeg har brydd meg om bursdagen min også, men jeg prøver å ikke tenke sånn...
      Alt vi kan gjøre nå er å vente...

  12. I'm sure your mum will be ok,
    It is better that they found it sooner, rather than when it would be too late...
    this time must be so hard for you!! happy birthday, though.
    when your mum is better, you can all celebrate together!
    be strong <3 I hope things will get better for you soon xxx

    1. thank you very much <3
      All we can do is wait, but we are all feeling very positive about it :)

  13. I'm sorry to hear this. I really hope your mother will be ok soon, and that she will be able to leave the hospital and go home again. Please be strong in this difficult and hard time! *hugs*

    1. *hug* I appreciate your support very much! It means very much to me ;_;
      We jusr have to wait!

  14. Oh, I'm sorry. Firstly, for your mom, but don't worry too much. I'm sure she will get better! For your birthday, sure it's sad but I'm sure that the next will be great. Stay strong. *big hug*

    1. *hug* thank you!
      I hope it will all go well...